Gonads OK (ANS) - SeemsFree, the world's largest retailer, today issued a statement denying complicity in the use of rigged vending machines in over 4,000 stores in the United States. Late yesterday afternoon, a federal subpeona was issued for all documents related to the company's dealings with game machine giant WagerzTech. Over the past few weeks, there have been hundreds of reports across the country about electronic vending machines that miscount or misrefund coins on a regular basis.

As part ot fhe investigation, WagerzTech machines have been video taped in over 100 locations to analyze the aberrent operation.  Analysis of the video indicates that as many as 8% of the total transactions result in the machine retaining fifty cents without delivering products, resulting in an estimated $80,000 per day going directly to the SeemsFree bottom line.

In a WebSpeech approximately one hour ago, Presidential hopeful Em Gideon responded to recent attacks by Texans and Texas supporters.  The attackers were riled by the music that Gideon has playing on his campaign headquarters website Below is the full text of Gideon's speech.

My Fellow Americans,

I've been getting some knocks for the song that plays at my MySpace campaign headquarters Gideon 2008.   Over the next day or two, we're going to put some of those letters up here for everyone to read, but my staff is busy making them "Family Friendly" first.

Ok, so I happen to believe a lot of what that song says.  I believe that of the  worst things that ever happened to Colorado was when, like the song says, "someone taught the Texans to ski."

We know throughout America, we've got an immigration problem.  It's been at the top of my list, OK aside from nuking mosques, for several years now.  How many of you even know that a whole bunch of the illegal aliens come to us through Texas?  How many of you know that Texas advertises itself as a "Whole Other Country?"  In my book, that makes Texans illegal immigrants as well.  Let 'em stay there.  We're tired of having them come to OUR ski resorts, drink OUR beer, and chase OUR women.

When I am elected, I'm going to throw the whole darned state out of the Union.  Until then, I'll proudly play "Texans" by Ron Chalice and his band during my campaign.

Now we don't want the Texans to get hold of this song...  So whatever you do, don't tell them that they can download it for free at Ron Chalice Music on MySpace

DON'T TELL THEM!

Em